THE UNRESOLVED
©Ana Sastrias 2012
Fate met Delilah
when she grew up alone.
Father was kind of absent,
Mother was too busy
to explain what the Future
would be about.
Delilah’s mind was with her
reconstructing Past and Present
to explain what the Future
would be about.
Was that her fault?
or was that something else?
It was Fate!
No one told her
how to grow up alone.
Life took place
and taught her.
For so many years,
discipline and strength
was the only way
Delilah could survive
in a gloomy world
and turned it as it was
a blossoming one.
She suddenly thought
that one day
she would not be submitted
anymore.
The comfortable place of others
to submit her
The comfortable place of others
to depend on her
The comfortable place of others
to taunt her
The comfortable place of others
to abuse her
One day, no more.
After being attracted to her first boyfriend,
living intensily a month as it was many years.
She learned what a french kiss was,
what was the feeling of being caressed,
and what was the feeling of thinking
about the other all the time.
Nothing could have compared to that,
was that really love?
or just a learning experience?
No matter what could have that been,
It is still remembered after
thirty six years.
A month which defined a begining
of a career of how to test men
and how in some way defeat them,
how to hide from them
and how to feel the one in them,
not granting
all the satisfaction men
were wishing.
It seemed to Delilah
that her captivating encounters
with the safety of not allowing others
to do as much as they pleased,
was the perfect balance
for enjoyment.
That was her power,
an unfinished
and undefined fulfilment.
The notion that one day she would loose her virginity
was haunting Delilah.
She was too young to know
what was this about,
but the notion was there
pending in the head of Delilah
thirty six years ago.
After that month passed
and dissappeared,
there were many years waiting
for another captivating encounter,
this time was from an unresolved guilt,
but also from a longged attraction.
Delilah felt for the first time
that this was the only time
and no more years waiting.
She must apologise!
She should reach him
and be lucky
to be taken.
There was fear
and an electrifying atmosphere.
The encounter
was orchestrated by Delilah
in a way this new love
would be realised.
Calls and invitations happened,
time to be together
and explore the forbidden side
in hidden places.
Delilah got initiated into womanhood.
Something that was resident
in her, but could not feel before.
She knew how to be possesed
and how to possess the other.
Delilah was affraid of being discarded,
but also she would not like to be submissive.
A relationship that was inconclusive
with a zest of commitment
and individuality,
was the perfect balance.
A year lasted, finally understanding that
too much possession
led far too much suffering
between two powers,
family and boyfriend.
Delilah decided to break that possesion
and continued again her normal life
with university and family committments
and no more.
She was still young for
the heaviness of Life.
She knew too much now
to decide that Love
was something else,
and she was not yet
prepared for it.
Love can be a nuissance,
but it is good to have it
on your side.
Love is Dark
and the only place where
you can appreciate the Light.
Love becomes meaningless,
once the rutine eats it.
Love is something we do not know.
Life is something we do not know.
Men are something we do not know.
Delilah thought:
I love to know men
and keep that knowledge in my life.
That could be the perfect
balance.
Some years passed with no committments,
great time to grow Delilah’s individuality
and define her for the Future.
Delilah was happy that way,
even though she was having
resident dreams about certain friends.
Professional career was the priority,
not the committment with the other.
She did not want to commit to a relationship,
knowing that she would be tided up.
She appreciated all her friends
and would not like to abandon them for one of them.
Parties, getaways and restaurants were the places
where Delilah felt happy.
Happy for one night
and come back home.
Happy during the day
and continue her own
family life.
An unsuspected encounter happened
during that time of finishing “uni”.
An unplanned event
made this encounter
with an old acquantance
to be unusually sensuous.
For the first time, she physically felt
tresspassed by a gaze
of his new unsuspected encounter
like a laser jet.
Never thought this would happened.
She did not feel fear, just being
in some way naked infront
of this encounter.
Delilah was used to hunting men,
not men hunting for her.
Samson was the man,
a sweet, manly and reliable man,
with a Future being built up,
with Hope for the Future,
who was able to make
Delilah feel protected.
Samson fell for Delilah in
a way she never expected.
She got granted the power to
take him or discard him with
no regrets.
Delilah could not have asked for a better match,
even though there was a Dark card
from Samson to reveal
something that would define
the future in this match.
Delilah never thought that her inner strength
would be her fate and her salvation.
She never thought that her presence was
that powerful.
In a very short period of time,
Samson, smitten to Delilah
fell he needed to formalise
the relationship.
Delilah feeling quite overwhelmed by
the quick decision
to formalise,
started to feel that this was the time
either to continue with no
definition in relationships
or the time to find
meaning in this relationship.
This was a real defining time!
Samson was honest to her
and showed his weakness.
Delilah fell for it.
Delilah needed a man honest
to his weakness,
in order for her to be respected.
For the first time Delilah
felt the pleasure to protect a man
and also felt protected by him.
Never thought after more than
eighteen years
of marriage, that the Dark Card
was going to be much more
present in their lives
making Samsom each year ahead
weaker and weaker.
Delilah thought of herself:
"I will do the everyday activities
as the same as I am alone.
I am not expecting anything.
I can do everything."
That worked out well
for quite a while.
Without family anymore,
without university commitments.
Only him and herself
alone in a farthest
place they could find.
A completely new life.
A complete fulfilment!
A complete relationship!
A new begining?
A Begining of a future End?
Samson and Delilah
Delilah and Samson
Delilah so many times got tempted to be infidel to Samson.
But, Samson fidelity was absolute to her
and never changed.
Delilah for the first time was affraid of being alone and unprotected
in a society that will not take her seriously.
While Samson’s disability has been progressing
and now basing the relationship in a complete dependency,
Delilah has been feeling stranded in a land
which is not their birth place. A very foreign country.
She is strong in coping, but not strong to let it go.
One day she thinks
“That’s it, I leave you!”
Other day she feels
“I am alright and I will support you”
Another day she thinks
“I must not look after you anymore. You do not belong here anymore.”
Samson will always like to be with her,
no matter what she thinks.
He loves her, and it is the only thing he can do.
Ana Sastrías
30-11-2012
South Penrith, NSW, Australia
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